Tuesday, October 4, 2005

Sagittarius clutz!

My assistant messed up my house payment so I need to go into World Savings today and take care of that in a bit. I don't want to mess up my perfect credit! That would not be good! After that, I'm going to try and go in and get my four fabulous allergy shots. Fun fun fun!!

Last night was hilarious! I pulled a big time Sagittarius clutz chain of events. According to most astrologists, us centaurs have clutz issues. And I think if you guys had been watching me last night, whether or not you believe in that shit, you would have to agree.

Here's what happened. I was trying to watch my Chasing Amy DVD in my bedroom. I have run out of room for my DVD collection so I have some stacked on the side between my DVD rack and my chest of drawers / entertainment center. All of my DVDs are alphabetized. I went to look under C for Chasing Amy and pulled the DVD out. Since my DVDs in this section are not on any shelf but stacked one row on top of another instead, it caused a DVD avalanche! Damn it!!! So most of the DVDs are on the floor now but all is good... I will deal with it later. I plan on getting my old DVD rack (left over from the apartment that I had in Kentucky) out of storage. No worries.

So I go to watch my movie and I'm in bed and it's getting to the good parts and the damn DVD starts tripping out. It's playing then pausing... playing then pausing! I'm like geez! WTF! So I get up and pop the DVD out and take a look at it to see if there is something wrong with it. It looks perfect... scratch free. I think it must be a problem with my DVD player instead. I get out of bed and go into the other room to grab the Dust Off spray. I go back to my room and grab the DVD player and start blasting air thru a straw into the player. That's when the next chain of events happened. I accidentally shot the straw into my DVD player! FUCK!!! Bad trip!!! Horrible trip! I grab my DVD player and start shaking it to get the straw out of there. It won't fucking come out! Great!! Friggin lovely!! And while I was pulling the DVD player to shake it, the power went out on both my DVD player AND my cable box. There will be no TV or DVDs for me unless I do something... and I love to fall asleep with my TV on so I decide that leaving things as is is unacceptable to me. So here I am, trying to problem solve and I need to get behind my heavy entertainment center / chest of drawers to see if a plug got unplugged or what the hell caused the power to go out on both pieces of equipment. I look on both sides of my huge armoir thing to plan what the best course of action is. On one side, there are all those DVDs... some still stacked in alphabetical order. I decide that that is too much of a pain in the ass to move (as it will basically make a huge task for me to re-alphabetize all of the DVDs again) so I decide that to get to the plugs behind the armoir, I will have to go thru the other side instead. In order to do this, I will need to move this big clothes rack / shelves / laundry hamper thing instead. I moved the thing and guess what happened next... the fucking wheel broke off! All I wanted was to watch a damn DVD! Is this too much to ask for? Everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. I had to laugh! So here I am laughing my ass off while trying to get the wheel back on this heavy clothes rack thingie. I managed to fix it but let me just tell you, it was not an easy task doing that all by myself while praying that all the clothes and Gucci's dog bags didn't come toppling down on top of my head!

Finally, I am able to get behind the entertainment center to figure out why the fuck the power went out. I'm able to get to the power strip and I flip the switch back on. Tada! At least now I can watch TV in case I can't get that damn straw out of my DVD player. I grab the DVD player again and give it a huge shake while moving the DVD slot and the straw finally dropped out! Yesss! Now does it work? I spray it with some more compressed air... this time holding the straw in place so it doesn't do a repeat of before. I put the Chasing Amy DVD back in. It works but it's still having issues with the pausing and playing. Next step is to try another DVD and see what happens. So I watched Big Top Peewee instead and it played just fine. Should I start up a Bobbi Billard's troubleshooting service? NOT!!! LOL!

Conclusion: My Chasing Amy DVD must be fucked up. However, in spite of all of the problems, I had a blast laughing my ass off at the chain of events that happened last night. I haven't laughed that hard by myself in ages! That was pure comedy! Wish you guys could have seen it!

XoXoX,
BB
www.BobbiBillard.com

Monday, October 3, 2005

The King of Crap!

I spoke to Craig "The King of Crap" today. My assistants had called him while they were down because I had seen a pickup truck driving on the freeway ages ago. The truck said "Poop Happens" and it appeared to be some kind of poop cleanup service. Gucci uses my garage with a doggie door as his bathroom since I don't have a back yard. Even if I did, my fear of having him get eaten by a coyote would override a plan to put a doggie door going to the outside of my house.

My dog is such a spoiled brat, I swear! He refuses to go thru the doggie door, so I have to rig it to be propped open all the time... or else he will go to the bathroom on the floor near my door. He's scared of the doggie door! Classic! Anyway, back to the poop clean up service. I've always felt bad that that was one of LoriDawn's To Do List sometimes. I don't want to be the asshole who has her assistant cleaning up poop, you know? Uncool! Way uncool! So I was always looking for some sort of solution so that no one has to clean up poop but someone who doesn't mind doing that sort of thing. And that's when fate brought me to the place where I'd happen to be driving next to the poop cleanup truck one day on the 405 Freeway. Strange place for fate to bring you, but hey... it happened! I managed to write down the number while driving and put that on my new To Do List... Call poop cleanup dude. And LoriDawn or Lisa took care of that this weekend.

While I was getting my nails done, Lisa told me that they had had a conversation with this guy and he had a great personality. They told me to be waiting for a call from Craig "The King of Crap" very soon. Hilarious! They said I was going to love him so we shall see! And like they said, he finally called and we set an appointment for my first poop cleaner upper session. Yay!

What else did I do today? I beautified my myspace profile with some help from Mike. The rest of Monday is going to be a lazy day. I need a vacation from my vacation and I just don't feel like doing much today. I'd go take care of getting my first dosage of my allergy shots for this week, but I'm still recovering from the last dose on Friday. My allergies are still acting up from when they increased my dosage on Friday! I'll do that tomorrow instead.

Oh and please disregard the cam show schedules right now. I'm waiting on programming for my members area to make it easier to update my site. Right now, I have to update in two sections for every cam show that I decide to do. Frankly, it is a big pain in the ass. So for the time being, I'd appreciate it if you would just check the individual cam network's schedules for the time being until my programmer finishes up the work on my new content management system. For now, just count on the usual shows on Thursday and Saturday nights.

XoXoX,
BB
www.BobbiBillard.com