Monday, June 28, 2004

More news in case you care...

To Etovar and David and everyone else who was so kind as to be concerned about my upcoming surgery,

I postponed it. I didn't want to go to the first doctor that wanted to operate on me without getting a second and third and maybe even a fourth opinion and fifth opinion and then go from there. Surgery is a big deal and I just want to make sure of what I'm getting myself into. As of right now I've had 2 opinions. One doctor, Dr. Chon who is with the Kerlan Jobe Clinic (of the Lakers and the Ducks fame) recommended surgery and wanted to go in through the back of my neck. He was kind of rush with me because they are so busy there. I didn't really get to ask him all that much because I was trying to be considerate. Typical me! LOL! I wish I had asked more questions but I am a little more informed now about these proceedures so I won't make these mistakes with the rest of the doctors that I see. The second doctor disagreed about going in through the back of my neck and explained why. He said that he needs to go in through the front of the neck and do a one level (possibly 2 level) fusion. You see, he's not entirely sure if I need 1 or 2 levels. I definitely need my c6-c7 fused. Your c6-c7 affects your middle and index finger as well as your tricep muscle. My index and middle fingers are numb and my tricep muscle is shot. He has me do these tests and I shake on my left side struggling to try and do what my right side is doing. I can't even do a pushup. I've also lost one or more of my reflexes on my right side. I don't know what that means with all of this but they hit me with that hammer thing and it's dead. I think that my c5-c6 is involved and this is what the doctor is unsure about. If the c5-c6 is involved, you get numbness in your index finger and your thumb and your bicep is involved. My thumb and index fingers are numb and tingly, and I can't flex my bicep. I don't know what the tests showed him. I think that is why he is unsure. He tells me that I am very young to be having this done. He said if I were in my 40s, he'd go in and do a 2 level fusion for sure. But at my age he says, that he's reluctant to do both because I'll lose mobility in my neck and might develop arthritis in my neck later on in life. He only wants to do it if he thinks it is definitely necessary and this is why he's not sure. I asked him, "Can't you just go in there and look and see what's going on and then do it from there?". He told me that it doesn't work that way. The second doctor spent a lot of time going over everything with me and he even made me an appointment with a doctor called Dr. Dennis to verify with him if he is on the same page about the 1 or 2 level fusion. Both of these doctors have really good reputations around here. I have an appointment at 4 pm today with a Dr. Jacques Palmer who is supposed to be really good. I've been waiting for months to get in with him so that must be a sign. He's a neurosurgeon. I guess we'll see what his take is on all of this. And WWE is talking about sending me to Dr. Youngblood in San Antonio. He's the one who did a bunch of the wrestlers necks (Stone Cold's, Lita's, etc.). I'm excited to hear what he has to say but first I need to find out about one thing. I spent a bit of time researching him on the net and on his website it says that they take a bone graft from your hip. I asked the last doctor that I saw about all of this and he said that they have stuff that is good as bone now and not to let anyone take part of my hip bone. And I'd prefer not to have another scar because of my modeling career if they do in fact have stuff that is as good as bone for these proceedures. It's bad enough that I'm going to have a scar on the front of my neck! It's not worth it to have 2 scars if I can avoid it. I need to find out if he is still doing it this way and if he is, why. That's where I am at guys. I promise to keep you all posted if I can. If I don't have the time to type what's going on, I promise to let Vee, Bill, and/or Sarah know and I'll have them pass the message on for me. Thanks again for all of your concern and support with all of this.

Also, in response to the latest response from W.W.E. or whomever that is saying that Ivory said those things to us in a promo, I'd just like to let you know that I know perfectly well what the difference is between a promo and a shoot. This most definitely was done during wrestling practice. We did our promos once a week in front of the class and sometimes we even did them in a separate room. We never did them in the ring. Ivory did cut promos on Tasha and I in front of the class before. I wasn't talking about that. What I was speaking about in my journal was during a wrestling class. Can anybody out there read? Tap Tap! Is this thing on? Nice excuse but no dice people! Sorry!

Oh and I forgot to respond to that OVW comment that I came there with a HUGE CHIP ON MY SHOULDER like I was THE BEST THERE EVER WAS IN WOMEN'S WRESTLING! That kills me (in a good way)! I've never laughed so hard in my life! I thank them for the new inside joke amongst my friends. Whenever a friend is on the phone with me and someone asks who they are talking to and they say, "Bobbi" I tell them to add in a sarcastic voice, "Just tell them that I was THE BEST THERE EVER WAS IN WOMEN'S WRESTLING!" LMFAO! That's my new line! Thanks again OVW! :)

XoXoX,
Bobbi B.
http://www.BobbiBillard.com

Saturday, June 12, 2004

Friday, June 11, 2004

Medical Update

I have a pinched nerve and disk bulges with possible nerve damage. The doctor isn't sure that I will get my strength back on my left side. I have surgery tennatively scheduled for the 30th of this month. I am going to get a second opinion but I am pretty sure that they will tell me the same thing. I have my medical records and I read the EMG and myelogram reports. It doesn't look pretty!

XoXoX,
Bobbi B.
http://www.BobbiBillard.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BobbiBillard

Tuesday, June 8, 2004

You can't judge THIS book by its cover!

I'm not sure that this will help any since it seems that some of you skim read and then make up your own story anyway but whatever. I keep this journal for my own benefit and also so that my fans can keep updated as to what's going on with me. I like to be able to look back and remember various things that happened in my life. I shouldn't have to explain what a journal is all about anyway. And another thing, since you can't hear tone of voice over the computer, please don't assume that my tone is something that it is not. With that said, here are some preconceived ideas about me that I would like to address.

#1. Misconception: I don't have any wrestling experience...
One thing I learned is that you never stop learning. You can always stand to learn something new. I learned that from several big names in the industry and I think that that is a great attitude to have. Yeah, I'll admit that WOW wasn't the best show around. The girls on the show did the best that we could with the limited knowledge that we had. It was definitely a positive learning experience. And it does count as experience because I was on a nationally syndicated wrestling tv show. It is more experience than a lot of you that have taken the time to bash me in my comments section (or elsewhere on the net for that matter) have had or will ever have. Hate to be blunt about this but it needs to be said. Yeah, I will admit that on WOW, we didn't have enough training and it is light years away from anything that I was learning at OVW. OVW is a great school! It's very hard to get in there and I appreciated the opportunity a great deal. WOW had scripted matches where as OVW taught you psychology and stuff that I didn't even know existed until I got there. It was very challenging and I was eager to learn. I am a perfectionist and a very hard worker. That is how I got to be where I am in my life. I didn't get to where I am at by people handing me opportunities right and left contrary to popular belief. I had to work to get to where I am at so that I would even be offered a developmental deal with WWE in the first place.

#2. Misconception: I wanted to be treated with kid gloves.
Bullshit! This goes back to the whole "Playboy model" stereotype again. Did you know that before I went to OVW, I drove down to Tijuana, Mexico to train with Rey Mysterio's uncle? Rey Mysterio's uncle (Miguel) is the one who trained Rey and he was the original Rey Mysterio. He is an awesome trainer! There was no running water at our gym so lets just say the toilet situation was rather harsh. It smelled indescribable in there. I would get my perfume out and spray away so that I would not gag to death on the rancid odor. Do you think most "Playboy models" would be down with that? LOL! I know a lot of 'em and I can guarantee you they wouldn't put up with that fact alone. Please do not get me wrong, I'm not complaining about this stuff, I'm proving a point. I would drive down there 3 days a week. It was about 2-3 hours each way. And it's not the safest place in the world for a big breasted blonde to be hanging out. However, I loved training there! They put me in the ring, I was one of the few girls that went to school there. In fact, there were only two other women that attended with me. He taught us that people would be rough with you. At practice we would always chop the others as hard as we could. And they would do the same to me. He said that this would toughen us up and prepare us so if anyone ever hit us hard like this in the ring, it wouldn't take us by surprise. I would ask Miguel to tell the guys to chop me even harder if I felt that they were taking it easy on me because I was a girl.

At the end of some of the classes, we would do submission wrestling. Real stuff! And they put me in there with a guy. And you know what? I held my own. I didn't win but I came close. I am a strong girl. My last evening there, he put me in a submission match vs. one of the other girls. She chopped me as hard as she could, then I chopped her back. Then she slapped me in the face as hard as she could, then I slapped her back. Then we wrestled. I won. Then we shook hands. No hard feelings whatsoever.

I'm from the school where I'd rather have someone lay it in, than miss me by a mile. I want it to look right more than anything. And you know what? I can take it! The true art is making it look like you are clobbering someone when in all actuality you are barely touching them. That was what I was hoping to learn how to do! The point of these stories are that I am tougher than I may look. I'm not saying that I had it as rough as some people. I think that a lot of people missed my point with my earlier post. I'll explain more when I update you all with my medical situation.

#3. Misconception: I quit WWE Developmental Program.
I was released because of my injury. I did not quit. I'll admit that I thought about it... but I didn't.

#4. Misconception: I didn't work through my injuries.
Maybe I didn't emphasise this enough. I probably need surgery. I have my EMG/NCY test tomorrow and I get my results of that and my myelogram on Thursday. I have lost my strength in my left arm. The other day, I tried to show my trainer what I was talking about. In my tricep pulldowns I did about 60 lbs. on my right side. On my left side, I tried to push 20 lbs. and my brain sent the response out, but my arm wouldn't work. I feel constant tingling/numbness in my fingers (and palms), sometimes it is a burning sensation. And it feels as if someone is stabbing me with a knife in my neck down my spinal cord. My pain radiates down my left arm. I am in pain 24/7. The only time I don't feel as much pain is when I am laying down. It is still hard to get comfortable enough to sleep at night. And get this, no pain killer that I have taken so far will put a dent in my pain. I was prescribed vicodin and it didn't do jack shit!

As far as me practicing is concerned, my doctors would not clear me to practice and without clearance, I wasn't allowed to participate. If that makes me a baby or means that I don't love the business enough in your eyes, then so be it. What good is it to go on when it will render you incapable of ever wrestling again!? A neck injury is nothing to toy with. One bad bump and I would have been in a wheelchair. Plain and simple!

That's all for now. I need to go lay down. I'm hurting too much to type anymore.

Take care,
Bobbi B.
http://www.BobbiBillard.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BobbiBillard

Sunday, June 6, 2004

Tough Enough?

I've been silent for way too long. I get back from WWE training camp only to have fans of mine asking me if I took wrestling seriously and if I was missing practices. Do you believe everything you read? I certainly hope not! Always remember that there are two sides to every story. I haven't had a chance to tell mine so here it goes...

In response to all of the stories about LaTasha Marzolla and I "not taking to wrestling", we weren't even given a chance. We got injured too soon to say. It's just interesting to me. WWE wanted me to sign something saying that I left on my own "to pursue other interests" in exchange for a lump sum of cash. I have a problem with that because that is a lie. I didn't sign. Tasha (I think) did and I'm assuming that she got the same type of release. Supposedly, everyone is supposed to agree that that's the story, that she "left to pursue other interests" right? However, they are still portraying both of us in the same light as before. Guess her agreement didn't really mean anything after all. I'm glad that I didn't sign anything because I can speak my mind. I'm not going to take hush money because I think that I owe it to anyone that is considering getting involved in the field of professional wrestling so that they can make an informed decision. I honestly had no clue what I was getting myself into and I'm sure there are others that don't. I'm going to start posting some of my stories here so stay tuned.

For starters, most of the stuff that has been said about me is untrue. It's pretty annoying and I for one am sick of it! For instance, all the missing practice crap happened before I got there, however I was blamed for it too and typecast as one of "the Playboy models" that was not showing up to practice, etc. Pretty easy to place me into that box and label me that. I have blonde hair and big boobs right so therefore I must be skipping practice with Tasha. Whatever!!!! And the funny thing was at least when I was there, Tasha missed practice to go to doctor's appointments or because she got sick. It's not like she was skipping just because she thought she was better than everyone and didn't have to go, as she has been portrayed. A lot of these stories couldn't be further from the truth and I'm wondering where the writers get their info from. As for me being flaky and skipping practice, I'm not about that and anybody that knows me could tell you that. I know better than to do something stupid like that. I know that there were a lot of people that didn't like us there. But if you think about it, there is a big cut-throat competition thing going on behind the scenes that most people would not understand unless they were there. It put any experience that I ever had in high school to shame!

This is a short version of our story at OVW. As for our injuries, everyone had practice for 6 hours a day. Then Melina, Tasha, & I stayed after for an additional (2+ hour) practice. For starters, I think that WWE meant well. I think that they were trying to get us ready quicker but it backfired and unfortunately Tasha and I were the casualties of all that. I feel the need to speak out since nobody is telling our side and I'm sure not that many people truly know what we went through. In the beginning, some of the guy wrestlers that worked on WWE held our extra practice for us. They got called up and then Ivory and Jacqueline came down. Then they held the beginners practices for us. On our first day with them, Ivory told us (speaking to Tasha and I) in front of other people, "Girls like you two fuck your way up to the top!". That was probably one of the most humiliating and demoralizing moments of my life right there. To be told that by somebody that you respected for their acheivements in women's wrestling is just plain harsh! She also told all of us (Melina, Tasha, & I) as she pointed to each of us, "I don't want you taking my spot, I don't want you taking my spot, and I certainly don't want you taking my spot!". Then they'd bump us like crash test dummies. Tasha would ask me if they were being extra rough with me. She felt that they were with her (as she had no experience wrestling before and had nothing to compare it to). I did feel like they were being a bit rough compared to WOW, but in WOW, the emphasis was in making everything LOOK really aggressive when in fact it was a super light touch, so I could have been wrong. She told me that when she was doing her snap mares, Jackie was actually forcing her to do her flips by her hair and neck. And on the hair beals she felt as if Jackie was grabbing and clawing her scalp like an eagle. I don't even want to hear it so let me just clue you in. Tasha is one tough chick! She is a professional kickboxer. She could probably beat the crap out of any of the chicks there but that's a whole 'nother story right there. Let's just say, I'd have my money on her over any of the female talent on WWE. And I wrestled before on WOW, so it's not like I am a "typical Playboy model". I was one of the few girls that did not get injured on that show (until the very last match at the PPV in which I sprained my AC). I'm not afraid to break a nail, so let's not even go there. I just wanted to make myself clear in case any of the stereotypers are reading my rant. Anyway, back to my story... I watched as Tasha was made to flip bump over and over and over... landing incorrectly and awkwardly onto her ankles each time. It seemed pretty obvious to me that something was not right, yet they had her keep repeating the action over and over. Tasha woke up the next day with swollen ankles. When she said that she was hurt and wanted to sit out, she was ridiculed by Ivory as if she was faking an injury. Then a few days later, after a visit to the doctors office, it turned out that she had sprained both ankles and tore ligaments in her foot. Tasha was excused from participating in the practices with a doctors' note and she wore a big black boot on one foot. While she was out injured, I continued on with my "beginners classes" every day after regular class, even though my neck pain was getting worse and worse as each day passed. Finally Tasha convinced me to go see a doctor. I, like a lot of people, felt pressured to not disclose that I was injured for fear of getting in trouble. I was scared to get fired. I was also fearful that they would ridicule me and treat me as if I were faking an injury after what I had seen happen with Tasha. I finally gave in because I was in way too much pain and the neck is not something to fool around with. The doctor excused me from practice too and Tasha and I were on the sidelines. Melina had a minor injury to her shoulder, however she played it off and practiced anyway. I think she finally saw the doctor too and took a few days off but went right back to it as if nothing were wrong even though I know that was not the case because I lived with her. That is what you are encouraged to do (regardless of how you feel) and I guess that is just the way it is. And I guess she did the right thing, after all, she still has a job and Tasha and I do not. All of us getting injured, along with Tank and a few others that I can't recall right now was causing the official WWE doctor to wonder what was going on over at OVW and they called WWE to inquire about our practices. That's when practice times got cut and Rip was fired. I can't prove that this was for sure the reason why, but I heard that it was.

I sat on the sidelines for a while at OVW, as did Tasha. Finally, Tasha was dealing with some personal family issues at home and decided that she could not be away any longer. Personally, I think she decided that getting treated like crap on a daily basis was not for her and she bailed. Whatever the reason was, I think it took WWE by surprise. They flew her out to Texas for a show and there was talks of bringing her up. Then a week later she was released. I stayed and stuck it out but part of me wishes I had left when she did. I was told by some of the other wrestlers that I should get back in the ring and not let too much time pass or they would fire me. One of the wrestlers said that he would "hook me up with all the pain killers that I needed" so that I could make it through training and get on tv. I decided not to go this route even though I really wanted to get back in the ring. I was working hard, studying tapes in my free time, and watching all the practices. I was getting antsy because I wanted to try out all of the stuff I was learning. However, I knew that there was no way that I would have been able to get back in there and start bumping. I could have done it if I wanted to be a parapalegic for the rest of my life but that would not be my idea of fun. I made a decision that I would listen to my body and the doctors and if they fired me, they fired me. Oh well... big deal. What's the worst that could happen. I go back to my house in California and spend time with the people that love and care about me. Yeah, it was my dream and all to wrestle... but spending the rest of my life in a wheelchair was not a part of that dream. You have to weigh if the risk is worth the reward. So I waited. And sure enough, they were right, shortly after my third cortisone shot, I was released. And now, I'm almost sure that I need surgery. I have one more test to go to find out for sure but I am in a lot of pain every day and that's a full time job in itself I tell ya! I just wish I had known more of what I was getting myself into in the first place. I'll give the experience some credit... I definitely learned a lot out there!

More to come...

XoXoX,
Bobbi B.
http://www.BobbiBillard.com

Muscle Mag

I am in this month issue of Muscle Mag (August 2004). You can find me on page 146 posing in a bikini. Pick up a copy and check it out if you have a chance.

XoXoX,
Bobbi B.
http://www.BobbiBillard.com

Saturday, June 5, 2004

Oh my... myelogram!

I'm super bummed about my injury! I was really looking forward to learning more about wrestling and now I am almost sure that I need surgery. Even though I was one of the few that did not get injured on W.O.W. (until the very last event for WOW where I sprained my shoulder - AC), our practices were only 4 hours a day, 6 days a week. I guess that my poor neck couldn't handle the 8 hours of straight bumping like a crash test dummy every day, 5-6 days a week. Not many could. Some of us were dropping off like flies. It sucks because I really really wanted to wrestle... Anyway, I'll be writing more about my experiences soon since I am sure that a lot of you are curious. I'd like everyone to know what goes down at OVW and what the life of a WWE developmental wrestler is like.

I've been trying my best to recover from my neck injury. It's tough to go from being such an active person to being in pain every day 24/7. My doctor has ordered some tests. One is a myelogram and the other is an EMG (ncy). I went in for the myelogram on Wednesday. I was a wreck up until the test! Stupid me... I was trying to research what the test was all about and ran across this site: http://neuro-mancer.mgh.harvard.edu/ubb/Forum259/HTML/015379.html
Stupid myelogram from hell website! That site scared the shit out of me! I barely slept the night before, and then when it came time to do the myelogram, I almost chickened out because of all that crap that I read. I have to admit, it is scary... even if you aren't reading a site full of experiences of myelograms from hell. When you read what they are going to do to you (take a sample of your spinal fluid and inject you with dye), it's enough to cause some major anxiety! I just hope I do ok during the next test (EMG).

I've been recooping from the myelo ok. I had to lay flat for 24 hours so that the dye can flush out of your body. Actually, I had to lay flat longer (almost 2 full days) because everytime that I stood up, I would get horrible migraines. The only issue that I have now is that my lower back hurts. I feel a little cramping/pain back there, plus it is really sore where they stuck the needle in me. I just hope that the back pain goes away and it is not permanent. That's the last thing I need... back AND neck pain! I'll write more later. My neck is hurting me too bad to type any more.

XoXoX,
Bobbi B.
http://www.BobbiBillard.com