These are taken from real Résumés and Cover Letters and were printed in the July 21st issue of "Fortune" Magazine:
1. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet pogroms."
2. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
4. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
5. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
9. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
10. "Marital status: Single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
11. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse"
12. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my
resume on my office voice mail."
13. "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in Meteorology,
I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
14. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant"
15. "Personal interests: Donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
16. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chainstore."
17. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit
18. "Marital status: Often. Children: Various."
19. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
20. "Finished eighth in class of ten."
21. "References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."
These quotes were taken from actual Performance Evaluations:
1. "Since last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely
4. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
5. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
6. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever
foot was previously in there."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village of an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better."
These lines are actual lines from Military Performance Appraisals:
1. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
2. A room temperature IQ.
3. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
4. A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
5. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
6. Bright as Alaska in December.
7. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
8. He's so dense, light bends around him.
9. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
10. It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
What else is going on? Well the modeling has been picking up. I have several jobs coming up including one for Hot Boat. Stay tuned for more info. I always let you guys know once I know more.
My newest guilty pleasure: http://www.sissyfight.com
I'm such a nerd! LOL! My friend Heather told me about this site and now I'm hooked! Thanks Heather! :P
I've even played a few rounds with Celeste, Vee, and Bill. It's a lot of fun to play with friends! :)
This game parallels childhood in a lot of ways. The game takes place on a playground and your goal is to be one of the last 2 standing by scratching, grabbing, teasing, or tattling on your other opponents. Making friends is important as they can help you out when you are getting ganged up on. I recommend that you check it out if you have a free moment. And if you do and you happen to see me (I play on there as "RoleModel")... don't kick my ass! Be nice! LOL!
One more thing... sorry to all those I missed at the Arnold this year. I really wanted to go but was unable to go at the last minute. It's a long story that I've shared with some of you. I had a really good reason for not going. Let's just say that it wasn't in my best interest to be there this year. I was super bummed out that I couldn't attend because I missed out on seeing a lot of people that I knew and possibly making some new connections. If anyone wants me at their booth next year, drop me a line (email@example.com).