Thursday, November 20, 2003

Bobbi Billard Mac and Bumble Photos

The shoot that I did for Mac and Bumble is finally out. They've added my first set over at http://www.macandbumble.com

I really love these new pics! Harvey Butts shot them. He's such an awesome photographer! I had a great time working with him. You can check out more of his work at www.HarveyButts.com

Live Appearances

Do you wanna meet up with me face to face? Here's some shots from my last Live Appearance @ Glamourcon.


A Single Woman's Prayer...

A Single Woman's Prayer...

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
And not afraid to admit when he's wrong.

One who thinks before he speaks,
And when he says he'll call, doesn't wait six weeks.
I pray that he's gainfully employed,
And won't lose his cool when he's annoyed.

One who pulls out my chair and opens the door,
And massages my shoulders and begs to do more.
Oh, send me a man who will make love to my mind,
And knows what to say when I ask, "How fat is my behind?"

One who'll make love till my body's a-twitchin'
And bring ME something too, when he goes to the kitchen!
A man who will love me for days without end,
And never compare me with his old girlfriend.

Thank you in advance, and now I'll just wait,
For I know you will send him before it's too late!

However... the single life is not that bad!
I know it's just a passing fad.
I won't be blue. I will not frown.
Besides, I like my toilet seat down.
No more makeup, won't comb my hair.
So never mind this stupid prayer.

The single life will do just fine.
So what's up, girlfriend?
IT'S PARTY TIME!!!!


And I don't want to leave you men out either... here's one just for you guys! :)


Single Man's Prayer

As I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a woman, who's very cheap.
One who's sexy, blonde and long.
Who notices that she's mostly wrong.
One who sucks and doesn't speak.
And promises to do so, TWICE a week.

I pray that she is very randy,
Because one like that would come in handy.
Opens her leg and lies on the floor,
And once I'm done, she begs for more.

Oh, send me a woman who will not play with my mind.
Who knows what she wants and that's lots from behind!
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin',
And brings ME a beer, when she comes from the kitchen!

I pray that she'll last right up to the end,
And would never complain when I do her best friend.
Thanks in advance and you know I can't wait,
So I'll screw all the rest 'cause it's never too late.

Thursday, October 30, 2003

I fucking hate chain letters!! If you do too, click here...

Hello my name is [Insert Your Name Here],
and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion
fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually
believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl
in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able
to raise enough money to have it removed before her
redneck parents sell her to a traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to
give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email,
$1000? How stupid are we?

"Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and
make a wish, I'll get laid by every good looking model
in the magazine!" What a bunch of bullshit!!!!

Basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the
people out there who have nothing better to do than to
send me stupid chain mail forwards!

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into
my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not
continuing a chain that was started by Peter in 5 AD
and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the
Mayflower. Fuck them!

If you're going to forward something, at least send me
something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this
to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched
excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel
from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're
actually contributing to by sending out these
forwards. Chances are, it's your own unpopularity.
The point being? If you get some chain letter that's
threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the
rest of your life, delete it.

If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by
making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with
no teeth who has been tied to a dead elephant for 27
years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per
letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise,
tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

Bobbi Billard in American Curves

I've just gotten over a bad cold. I'm still feeling a bit sick and coughing but I feel a lot better than I did. I've been really busy (as usual). I have so much to catch up with after being sick for so long! Unfortunately, I am having a bit of trouble taking care of all the things that need to be done. Hopefully, I will be able to get back on track. It's tough work doing my site all by myself. Sometimes I wonder how I've gotten by all these years! The scary thing about that is that my schedule will be getting even busier in 2 weeks time. I may have to hire somebody to help me out. I have something major in the works and I am really excited. Too bad that I can't talk about it yet. If everything works out with this, I am going to be one happy camper very soon!

In other news, I recently found out that I am going to be in Issue #7 of American Curves magazine. American Curves is a newer fitness magazine put out by the same people that do Muscle Mag. I can't wait to see the pics! They were taken a while back by photographer Alex Ardenti. Keep an eye out for my layout.

XoXoX,
Bobbi B.
http://www.bobbibillard.com

Monday, July 28, 2003

Bobbi Billard Gone Wired

Good news guys (& girls)! I received an email from a tv show called Unscrewed with Martin Sargent http://www.techtv.com/unscrewed/funandgames/story/0,24682,3486230,00.html which airs on TechTV http://www.techtv.com. They want to do a feature on ME and my website. Woohoo! :) Here is an excerpt from the email I received... "Not familiar with us? TechTV is the cable network that showcases the smart, edgy and unexpected side of technology. By telling stories through the prism of technology, TechTV intrigues viewers with everything from help and information to cutting-edge documentaries to outrageous late-night fun. TechTV viewers are highly interactive and passionate about engaging in the television experience and log a monthly average of 1.4 million unique visitors to techtv.com. Owned by Vulcan Inc., TechTV is currently available in 40 million homes in the United States and distributes content to more than 70 countries."

I had never heard of this station before but I am going to check it out. I guess my digital cable offers this station but I have to sign up for it. I'm curious to see what it is all about. I think my show airs tomorrow evening at 2 am Eastern. Yeah... I know... you East Coast guys already hate me! LOL! I am always keeping you up til all hours of the night. Will you please stay up late for lil ol' me one more time? And anyone that can videotape this for me, I will trade you an autographed photo or something. The TV that has a VCR on it does not work right now so I won't be able to record it but I would love to have a copy. Pretty please! *Bats Eyelashes* Here's a link to where you can figure out how to view the show in your area: http://www.techtv.com/unscrewed/funandgames/story/0,24682,3486230,00.html

Big Kudos to the people at TechTV for featuring my site. Another excerpt from the site, "It takes more than some suggestive photographs and a pair of 5-inch heels to secure the title of Girl Gone Wired. We look for those lovely ladies who offer a little something special. Tonight's pick made the cut with her bi-uvula. Not familiar with the term? You will be soon enough..."

It's nice to see that people still take the time to actually read what I write. :) Thanks again!

XoXoX,
Bobbi B.
http://www.BobbiBillard.com

Cards, Games, Vegas Baby!

When I did my signing for Benchwarmer a while back, I made the mistake of not taking some of my cards. Everyone else did. Stupid me. Now I don't have any and I have to buy them on ebay like everyone else. I guess that is what you get for being honest right? I tried to buy my Autographed Kiss card from the Benchwarmer Gold Series but I wasn't able to win the auction. I had a major bidding war with this guy but he would not let me have it. I wanted the card really badly. It had special meaning to me. It was card 2 out of 10 and I like even numbers. Plus when you add 2 and 10 you get 12 which is my lucky number. I was born on the 12th day of the 12th month... that card shoulda been mine. Damnit! My card went for a whopping $515.00. http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3234187871&category=219 It really sucks to have to bid against your fans on your card. I received several emails from people asking if I was really Bobbi Billard then why was I bidding on my own cards. Anyway, after I explained it to them and they understood.

At least I won the last auction I bidded on. I am now the proud owner of a Pamela Anderson Barb Wire pinball machine. Yay! :) It will look great in my brand new Game Room. Which brings me to my next bit of news... I'm moving to Vegas in a year. I found my dream home over there. They are building it for me right now. I'll be a new Sin City resident in 9 months to a year from now.

I'll write more later... It's late and I should get to bed now. Nite nite!

XoXoX,
Bobbi B.
http://www.bobbibillard.com

Thursday, May 22, 2003

Busy B

Hiya! So much has been going on! I just wanted to stop in and say hello. I've been shooting for the past few weeks straight with no end in sight until today. I finally had a day to relax and catch up on some much needed sleep. For starters, I have added a bunch of new pics to my site. I'm really liking these new pics a lot! A lot of the new pics were shot with a photographer named Glenn Inskeep. I've worked with Glenn several times and he never ceases to provide me with great images for my website. I also worked with another cool guy named Orlando Perez of http://www.opphotography.com. He's totally fun to work with! We laughed a whole bunch together. The new images by both of these photographers can be seen on my website's portfolio section here: http://www.bobbibillard.com/open/top/gallery.html

In other news, I picked up another spokesmodel account for a motorcycle company named Mistress Motorcycles. I don't know if you haven't heard of these guys before or not but they make a motorcycle that is shaped like a bodacious woman. Who better to represent their company than yours truly... right!? Hehehe! Well I will be doing appearances for their company so hopefully I will be able to meet up with some of you guys face to face. I am supposed to be gracing the pages of their website ( http://www.mistressmotorcycles.com) and have photos up at their booth (so if for some reason I won't be appearing there in person, I'll still be present). We also shot a piece on spec for Easyriders magazine. Yes, I did pose topless with the bike so cross your fingers for me. I sure hope the pics get published and maybe even get on the cover. Wouldn't that be great... eh? I really liked meeting with and working with the guys over @ Mistress Motorcycles. I'm looking forward to doing more stuff with them soon.

I also had the opportunity to work with an AWESOME photographer based out of Chicago named Rich Markese. He's got a website at http://www.markesephotography.com. Be sure to check out his stuff! I will be putting up some of his images soon. I love this photographer's work! I'm a big fan!! We've even talked about teaming up together to do a website. I'll keep you guys posted on all that.

Last but not least, I did another signing for Benchwarmer trading cards this past Wednesday evening. I wanted to take this opportunity to announce that I will have 2 more cards coming out in the upcoming Gold Series Edition. Brian over @ http://www.benchwarmer.com hooked me up with yet another Autographed card, and also the extra special, coveted Kiss card! I am so stoked! :) I just wanted to explain to you guys how cool these Kiss cards are. What they are is a card with a photo of me on the front and back. But what's so special about this card is that I actually kissed each and every one and put my lipstick print on the card. It was a lot of fun giving these cards my super deluxe :) personal touch. It was tough getting my big ol lips to fit on these cards... hehehe! I had to reapply my lipstick for every 2 cards that I did. Then after all that, the card is sprayed with something that sets the print forever so that it can't smudge. And on only 20 of the Kiss cards, I autographed them too. These cards are very rare (especially the ones with my autograph in addition to my lip print). Not that many girls got the honor to be chosen to appear on them. A special thanks goes out to the people at Benchwarmer for picking me to appear on your Kiss and Autographed cards in the Gold Edition! I'm ecstatic that you chose ME. And of course, I couldn't have done it without the support of you guys. All the fan letters you guys sent in helped me out big time! :) Now maybe in a future series I can get lucky enough to get picked to appear on a Bikini Swatch Card. Wouldn't that be cool!? Keep those letters coming and it very well could happen! :)

Thanks for all the posts in my comments! As always, I read every single thing that's posted but I sometimes don't have the time to respond. I love you guys! You all ROCK! Til' next time...

XoXoX,
Bobbi B.
http://www.bobbibillard.com

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

Yes, I'm still alive...

...just extremely busy as usual! I had a few moments, so I thought I'd post an email that I received from a guy named Michael that shares my sense of humor. If you are reading this Michael, keep it coming. I read everything and always laugh. :) Thanks again!

These are taken from real Résumés and Cover Letters and were printed in the July 21st issue of "Fortune" Magazine:

1. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet pogroms."
2. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
4. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
5. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
9. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
10. "Marital status: Single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
11. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse"
12. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my
resume on my office voice mail."
13. "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in Meteorology,
I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
14. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant"
15. "Personal interests: Donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
16. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chainstore."
17. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit
a job."
18. "Marital status: Often. Children: Various."
19. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
20. "Finished eighth in class of ten."
21. "References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

****************************************
*****

These quotes were taken from actual Performance Evaluations:

1. "Since last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely
won't be."
4. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
5. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
6. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever
foot was previously in there."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village of an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better."

******************************************

These lines are actual lines from Military Performance Appraisals:

1. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
2. A room temperature IQ.
3. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
4. A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
5. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
6. Bright as Alaska in December.
7. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
8. He's so dense, light bends around him.
9. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
10. It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

What else is going on? Well the modeling has been picking up. I have several jobs coming up including one for Hot Boat. Stay tuned for more info. I always let you guys know once I know more.

My newest guilty pleasure: http://www.sissyfight.com
I'm such a nerd! LOL! My friend Heather told me about this site and now I'm hooked! Thanks Heather! :P
I've even played a few rounds with Celeste, Vee, and Bill. It's a lot of fun to play with friends! :)

This game parallels childhood in a lot of ways. The game takes place on a playground and your goal is to be one of the last 2 standing by scratching, grabbing, teasing, or tattling on your other opponents. Making friends is important as they can help you out when you are getting ganged up on. I recommend that you check it out if you have a free moment. And if you do and you happen to see me (I play on there as "RoleModel")... don't kick my ass! Be nice! LOL!

One more thing... sorry to all those I missed at the Arnold this year. I really wanted to go but was unable to go at the last minute. It's a long story that I've shared with some of you. I had a really good reason for not going. Let's just say that it wasn't in my best interest to be there this year. I was super bummed out that I couldn't attend because I missed out on seeing a lot of people that I knew and possibly making some new connections. If anyone wants me at their booth next year, drop me a line (bookings@bobbibillard.com).

XoXoX,
Bobbi B.
http://www.bobbibillard.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/bobbibillard