Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Life In Hollywood

I am going to freak out! Some idiot outside has been laying on the horn of his or her car for a good five minutes straight now and it's not a car alarm. Nope! Whomever it is is typing out some sort of evil annoying morse code on their horn.




If this continues... I'm going to have a headache this big....


And it will have Excedrin written all over it!



Seriously... Ummm dude... do you friggin' mind? I'm trying to think so I can blog here!

Geez! Sometimes I feel like turning into a superhero... like Tank Girl for instance.




Although, I would definitely need to be armed with a pink paintball gun in addition to my big bazookas!



Living in Hollywood is a trip! Just the other day, some dude jumped off our apartment building a few weeks ago, not once but TWICE... and lived to tell about it! I'm seriously not kidding. I wish I was though... Crazy sheeyat eh?


They say the third time is a charm? Let's hope this poor guy learned his lesson!

My roommate and I each placed two separate orders. One from a delivery grocery store and one from a restaurant. We received a phone call from the first delivery guy and supposedly the cops wouldn't let him up into the building because "there was a situation" going down. My roommate responded with, "What does that mean? So if I go out there, am I going to get shot or something?" LOL!



The delivery driver didn't know exactly what "the situation" was but my roommate is a bad-ass and she went down there to get her order anyway. I wasn't surprised at all!



She came back and told me that there was a guy threatening to jump off the building. LOVELY! I hoped that they would at least help talk the guy out of it in time so that I didn't have to deal with the same thing when my food came. I was in my PJs and not feeling all that well that day. That's the whole reason why my lazy ass called for delivery in the first place. The last thing I wanted to do was jump through hoops to get something to eat.



If I had wanted to do all of that, I would have gone and gotten the food myself.

Alas, I had no such luck. Sure enough, my food arrived and same shit! I had to go down and get it myself. Grrr! I changed out of my PJs into something more appropriate to wear outside of the house. I can hear the peanut gallery now... *Boo! Hiss!*

Well... The last thing I would want to do is show up in something skimpy and cause the delivery guy to have a heart attack or something!



This is a fried doughnut burger. Yes, it really exists! And guaran-fuckin-teed to cause a heart attack too!

And as a side note: I'm sorry to ruin your fantasy guys... contrary to popular belief, the scripts that they have in porno movies are usually not based upon actual events.


I really should answer the door like this when they deliver pizzas to me...
However, I really don't care to know if you have an extra large sausage dude! TMI = Too Much Information!


Anyway, while waiting for the elevator, I overheard some chick on her cell phone telling her friend the newest LA gossip scoop... She hung up the phone and I got into the elevator with her. She proceeded to tell me what you and everyone out there in cyber-land are dying to know... What the hell happened?

I guess the suicidal guy ended up jumping down 2 stories inside our building's courtyard. After the first jump, he got up and then went to the pool area. And get this people!!! To add insult to injury, he proceeded to jump off the building AGAIN down to the street below. This guy has got to have a guardian angel in addition to having nine lives or something.




If I ever find out who this guy is, I'm taking him to Vegas with me...



He rolled the dice and lived through both jumps. Supposedly the paramedics came and were attaching stuff to him while he was trying to rip it off of him. Total fruit loop I tell you! She said he must have been on drugs. I agree... I just wonder what the hell he took to make him lose his marbles like that! Anyway... Poor guy! I hope he gets well soon 'cuz that's going to leave a mark! :(

Welcome to Hollywood!



And if that story wasn't bad enough, it's even more fabulous here when the local bar closes every night. Sure enough, like clockwork, at around 2 am every single night, the freaks come out at night. Yelling and screaming their heads off like a herd of dogs in heat. I feel like putting on a bikini, going out onto the balcony, grabbing a megaphone and yelling, "Let me know how all of that catcalling and yelling is working out for you people! No wonder ya'll are going home alone!" LOL!

But my megaphone would have to be PINK...



...to match my paintball gun (of course). *giggle*

Yay! The beeping has finally stopped. And with that, I am out. I'll be in touch with Adventures in Hollywood Part Deux once I have another interesting story to tell you. :)

Much Love,
Bobbi Billard

1 comments:

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