Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Congrats to the top 8 semi finalists!

Sorry this took so long. It took a while to put all the entries together, resize photos, and come up with clever nicknames for everyone... so without further adieu, here are the people that we chose as semi finalists for my Win A Date Contest. It was such a tough decision that I really couldn't narrow it down to only five.

That is where you come in. Stay tuned at the end to see how you can help us pick the top five from the following entries. And, I will be posting another blog about my thoughts on this entire process and I might even have my arm twisted enough to post some of the more... interesting letters that we received.

UPDATE: I was really excited about announcing the winners today but now after reading some people's comments, I'm really disappointed in some of you. What's funny is that a lot of the people that are leaving negative comments here are the exact same people that identified themselves as a "nice guy" in their entries. Yeah, you really seem nice when you insult the people who won! Get a clue! So keep on posting your sour grapes as you are only making yourselves look stupid and like the biggest sore losers out there. Plus, you are making me EXTREMELY thankful that I didn't pick YOU!

Top 8 (in no particular order)

Could it Be? A love letter that spells your name right?

Dear Bobbi:

Well, this letter is coming later than Id like, but then again its not
every day a model sends out a call for guys to tell her why theyre the best
one to escort her to a concert. Which means that slightly more care should
be taken in selecting the words in this letter than, say, bargaining for
your life in a Baghdad suburb.

The one thing that really struck me from your profile, and the main reason I
think wed have a great time together, is that you are, way down deep, a
geek. Dont even try to deny it. Playing Tetris, blogging, chatting,
Leisure Suit Larry, for heavens sakeyoure just a geek in great packaging.
;) Which is why wed click. Personally, I think I could clobber you at
Tetris, so you might want to invite me just to see if youve got the
proverbial Madd Tetris Skillz. And I do love playing Tetris, as well as
surfing the web, blogging, IM-ing, and checking out cute bikini girls -- er,
engaging in intellectually stimulating discussions. I was also a fan of the
whole Choose Your Own Adventure series, too, which has led to a full-blown
interest in gaming. If you're still interested after reading this, go to
#1. If not, go to #2.

#1
But were not going to be gaming all night, video or otherwise, and reading
a Choose Your Own Adventure book doesnt quite have the same excitement as
going to a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert, which would be fun. I love the
Chili Peppers material, although I enjoy their earlier stuff a bit more,
songs like Behind the Sun. Their new album is pretty good, though.
Torture Me ranks as one of my favorite songs, and I think that Especially
In Michigan would be my other, since its about my home state, and I can
identify with a lot of the references.

Ive got a pretty eclectic taste in music, though I may be the only person I
know who has a copy of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony next to a copy of some
J-pop group next to a copy of Megadeth's So Far So Good So What on my shelf.
So as long as we're going to a concert that isn't ]Muzak's Greatest Hits,”
I'll have fun.

Actually, I’ve got fairly eclectic tastes in general. I love a lot of
different movies, books, TV shows, and art. If you’re with me, you’re not
going to have to think, “Oh my GOD what are we going to talk about?” On the
other hand, you may think, “Oh my GOD it’s 4:30 in the frigging morning and
we have to stop talking with each other and sleep sometime!” You’ve been
warned.

Finally, though, the one reason I’d love to be the one to go to this concert
with you is not because you’re a geek, not because you and I both like the
Chili Peppers, and not because you’re a smoking hot model. It’s because
you’re a sincerely nice person. When I read about what you’ve been up to on
MySpace or LiveJournal, you always have something interesting to say about
your career, your workouts, or what you’ve done in the photoshoot. You’re
someone who is worth getting to know beyond your photosets. You also have
some very cute dogs!

Well, that’s my entry. I’ve also enclosed my picture, which is not quite a
glamour shot, but it gets the job done. I’ll understand if you need to spend
some time starry-eyed afterwards. ;)

Later,

Chris




#2: You walk away. But as you do, thoughts of what if start to pass through
your mind--What if I..'m being too hasty? What if I..'m passing up the chance
of a lifetime? Emboldened with fresh confidence, you stride back to
continue reading the letter.

Go to #1.


I GOT TRUCKED


BOBBI,

YOU MENTIONED THAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR A TRUE FAN OF THE PEPPERS, AS WELL AS A SMATTERING OF ADORATION FOR YOU. IM SURE MANY MEN, AND QUITE POSSIBLY WOMEN, HAVE TOLD YOU COUNTLESS TIMES HOW BEAUTIFUL AND SEXY YOU ARE, BUT I KNOW YOU ARE LOOKING FOR MORE.
WHAT IF I SIMPLY WROTE YOU AND TOLD YOU THAT I DESERVE THIS MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE? I HAVE HAD THE MOST HELLISH PAST THREE YEARS AND I AM ALMOST TOTALLY RECOVERED. I WAS RUN OVER BY A DRUNK TRUCK DRIVER AND LEFT FOR DEAD. HENCE THE EMAIL ADDRESS - I GOT TRUCKED - THESE PAST THREE YEARS HAVE BEEN DEVOTED TO RECOVERY AND REHAB.
IF YOU DONT BELIEVE ME OR WISH TO KNOW MORE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED, YOU CAN CHECK OUT THIS NEWS WEBSITE WHICH COVERED MY ACCIDENT AND RECOVERY. http://www.wave3.com/Global/story.asp?s=1540374

I AM SENDING PICTURES OF MY STAGES OF RECOVERY. ACTUALLY, I RECENTLY GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL FOLLOWING MY FINAL SURGERY ON MY HEAD. DONT WORRY, MY HEAD IS ACTUALLY ROUND AGAIN, SO I NO LONGER LOOK LIKE THE ELEPHANT MAN. HEY, "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!"
THATS A LINE FROM THE MOVIE, IN CASE YOU WERE CURIOUS.
TRUTH BE TOLD, I HAVE ONLY BEEN TO ONE CONCERT, WELL TWO IF YOU COUNT THAT IT WAS TWO CONCERTS BY THE SAME GROUP ON BACK TO BACK NIGHTS. AND THE ONLY REASON I WENT TO THE CONCERT IS BECAUSE I SANG ON THE CD AND WE PERFORMED WITH THEM IN CONCERT. DONT LAUGH, NOR YOUR FRIENDS EITHER, I SANG WITH THE BACKSTREET BOYS ON THEIR MILLENIUM CD, ON THE SONG PERFECT FAN. I ACTUALLY WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL AND SANG WITH BRIAN LITTRELL IN CHORUS.
SO YEAH, THATS THE ONLY CONCERT IVE SEEN. I HAVE PERFORMED IN NUMEROUS VENUES, BUT HAVE NEVER REALLY HAD THE CHANCE TO GO TO MANY CONCERTS.
NOW THAT I AM OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND ALMOST FULLY RECOVERED, ID LOVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO COME TO CALI AND SEE RHCP PERFORM. I HAVE BEEN A FAN OF THEIR'S SINCE MOTHER'S MILK. ALSO, I WOULD LOVE A CHANCE TO EXPERIENCE CALIFORNICATION FIRST HAND. IVE NEVER BEEN. THE CLOSEST I CAME WAS VEGAS.
CAN I TRY TO EARN A FEW BROWNIE POINTS BY WRITING A POEM?
BOBBI IS THE WOMAN FOR WHOM I YEARN
IT IS HER LOVE THAT I WISH TO EARN
I DREAM OF WAYS AND THINK TO TRY
TO TALK TO HER, BUT I AM TOO SHY
I DIALED HER NUMBER AND SPOKE WITHOUT GIVING MY NAME
I SAID I LOVE YOU SHE DOESNT KNOW WHO I AM AND IM TO BLAME
I SPOKE TO HER WITH ALL OF THE PASSION I HAD INSIDE
I WAS SO NEROUS I ALMOST DIED
WHEN I FEEL ALL ALONE
I STARE INTO THE STARLIT SKY
YOU ARE THAT STAR I CANNOT REACH, YET I CONTINUE TO TRY
I WAS MOVED BY A FORCE MORE POWERFUL THAN FEAR
LOVE WAS THE FORCE THAT ALLOWED ME TO MOVE NEAR
THIS IS PARTIALLY REAL AND YET DOES NOT EXIST
BOBBI, MY YEARNINGS AND HER BEAUTY ARE ALL TRUE, BUT THE OCCURRENCES MAY BE MISSED
I NOW REALIZE I MUST REACH FOR THAT STAR
BECAUSE IN ALL ACTUALITY IT IS NOT THAT FAR
LOVE CAN TAKE US ANYWHERE WE WANT TO BE
THAT FIRST STEP MUST BE TAKEN SOLELY BY THEE.
JUST SO YOU KNOW, IM NOT ABOVE BEGGING, PUBLIC ACTS OF HUMILIATION, OR EVEN, WELL, YOU DONT KNOW ME WELL ENOUGH FOR ME TO SAY ONE OF MY USUAL COMMENTS, SO IT WOULD MOST LIKELY BE TAKEN INCORRECTLY AND BE DETRIMENTAL TO MY CHANCES.
HONESTLY, IM ASKING AS A FAN, OF BOTH THE PEPPERS AND YOU, FOR THE CHANCE TO CELEBRATE MY ARDUOUS RECOVERY IN CALI, WITH BOTH YOU AND THE PEPPERS.
PLEASE, GIVE ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO THAT!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR TIME AND YOUR KINDNESS,
I GOT TRUCKED



How To Impress Bobbi's Friends

Dear Bobbi And 10 of her Closest Friends,

Oh God. Now EVERYBODY wants to set me and Bobbi up with each other.

Alright, fine. But first I want to make it clear that I have a mind, that I am not just some piece of meat, and that I resent being treated as such, so I will NOT be "using my abs to win you over."

Today, I'll be using my arms.

And my smile.

Okay, alright! That's enough. Eyes up here.

No, really. ;-)

So Bobbi seems pretty cool. She's got the geeky gamer chick thing going on, and that's awesome (unless she's, like, one of those Dungeons & Dragons girls who dresses up like, I don't know, elves or trolls or whatever -- then I'm not so sure). She comes across as intelligent, like someone who has a good idea of who she is, what she wants, where she wants to go and what she believes (trust me, SO MANY girls have no idea), and I love hanging out with a girl I can have FUN talking to. Plus we probably remember growing up playing the same Nintendo games (no, we didn't have an Atari -- though we did have a ColecoVision) and watching the same Saturday morning cartoons, which I think is very important.

I'm an actor, artist, and writer. I've got a guitar that I pick at sometimes, but I'm not going to add "Six-String Rocker God" to the list yet. I teach acting classes for kids, and they can be absolutely insane sometimes, so if Bobbi starts talking to you about how suspicious she is that I'm coming home with bruises or rugburns, it's NOT because I'm seeing a dominatrix on the side.

Acting school and yoga got me into, like, spiritual energy, and all the crazy "psychic" stuff you can do with it when you learn to feel it -- not to mention all the amazing things you can feel when your energy connects with another person's -- and that's a huge part of who I am. It blows me away how zombified most people live when they have no idea what experiences they're missing.

So listen. I'm not some hardcore Chili Peppers fan who carries an encyclopedia in his brain -- I'm just really into good music (VH, Queen, GnR, DMB, Wesley Willis, etc.), and they've got a bunch of really great songs. Actually, back in 2001 or something, I remember using a couple of their singles as a wicked soundtrack for some trippy futuristic skateboard racing video game I couldn't stop playing (I think it was called Burnout or Trickstyle or something). Plus I get points for remembering Anthony and Flea doing a cameo in that old Charlie Sheen movie "The Chase."

Anyway, I'm into adventure too, and this whole thing sounds pretty fun and exciting.

I'm not really sure about the whole "dating somebody from online" thing -- even if we talk online and turn on our webcams for each other, you can't really know if you click with somebody until you actually meet them. So instead of saying, "OMG Okay you win let's go on a date it'll be so romantic OMGOMGOMG I LOVE YOU!" we should just hang out as friends, have a great time at the concert, find out how we click and see how it goes.

Oh God, wait. What the hell am I saying? If I want to win, I'm supposed to be writing a hot, sexy love letter and seducing you (all of you, I suppose) with my words, right?

Fine, here:


Running lights, dim. The soft glow of burnt orange.
They can't see us, but they wonder what we're doing.

Our lips barely touch. We stare into each other and we find infinity.
We breathe together...deep, long, slow.
Our souls are one.

Naked skin slides across black leather.
A gentle creak.

Oh, look at that. Cute tattoo.

It's so hot in here.

My lips graze the back of your knee.
My tongue grazes the inside of your thigh.
Your teeth lazily embrace your finger and a tiny, throaty sigh erupts.
You purr.
My eyes find yours, staring through me behind heavy lids.

I wonder if I'll decide to taste the tiny pool of sweat below your breastbone.

You toss your head back and laugh, your hand slapping down over your mouth, as if it could catch your giggling.

I didn't know you were so ticklish, princess.
...
Did you just snort?

But I like to surprise you.
I lean forward. You gasp.

Your eyelids flutter and fall, your teeth gently gnawing your lower lip and your hand sliding up your body as you writhe.
Skin on hot, slick leather. It creaks,
Vigorously,
And I like it.


Okay, seriously. If I keep going I'm going to have to start charging.

Love,

How To Impress Bobbi's Friends

Trust me. I'm the one.

I remember when you and I used to talk. Every Wednesday at OVW, when you would leave, we'd spend anywhere from 10 minutes to a half hour talking about ideas for you in wrestling. I came up with as much good stuff as possible that would show off how good you are. As beautiful as you are, I never paid attention to that. It was always "What can I do to get such an awesome chick out in the spotlight?" It was a sad day when I found out you were being taken from OVW. One of the only chicks I've ever met who's personality matches her physical appearance had gotten done so wrong. However, it's nice to see you've not let that break your spirit. A girl as amazing as you deserves something great out of life.

That's where I come in.
Considering all the guys in this world who could be chosen, I honestly doubt any of us could ever give you the care, affection, courteousy, and attention that you deserve. I don't think anybody could ever really understand how amazing it is to have someone so beautiful, so sweet, who cares so much standing next to them. However, out of all the thousands and thousands of guys who will compete to win your attention (and affection), I believe I'll be the one who would try the hardest. I'll listen to every word you say, because there's no words sweeter. I'll laugh at every joke you make, whether it's funny or not (because trust me, I know what it's like to have nobody laugh at a bad joke). And, above all else, I'll hide behind you so not to make people say "WOW! Look at her! And ugh, who's that WITH her?!"
I've never truley been overwhelmed, but to be next to someone like you and to see my favorite band, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, at the same time? That would overwhelm me. I have never, ever seen the Red Hot Chili Peppers in concert. I've been a fan of them since I was 9 years old, and I know every single song of theirs by heart. I have all of their CD's, every soundtrack they've ever been on, every single I've seen them put out, all the DVD's and VHS' about them or with them in it, 17 t-shirts, every movie Anthony and Flea are in, all of John's solo albums, every magazine that they're on the cover of, more than 10 posters, and a tattoo on my left arm of their band logo, the asterik. The only thing I need more out of life is to see them live, and I can gurantee that I would appreciate this chance, this opportunity, more than anybody else that you'll ever hear from. And, you'll never, ever hear the end of it. I'll be thanking you until one of us passes on. It would mean the world to me.
So please, take this into consideration and honest thought when I say that, along with the concert, the entire experience would mean more to me than you or anybody else could ever in your wildest dreams imagine. I'm completely aware I'm not worthy to be in the presence of someone so amazing, but I gurantee I wouldn't dare, ever, ever forget the fact that it happened. I would never forget that, or the fact that it was all made possible by fate and what was almost lousy poetry. Trust me, that would have been bad. You should choose me just for sparing you that. ; )
I should be the guy you pick because I would appreciate both counts of brilliance in front of me: the best band in the world, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and the best lady in the world, Ms. Bobbi Billard.
- Blast From the Past

Pick my Hubby!



Dear Ms Bobbi,

After reading both of your blogs I thought that I might take this opportunity to do something nice for my husband.
My husband, Griff, is a great man. We've been together for 4 years and will have been married for 2 years on August 28th. He has been nothing but supportive of me over those years.
I am a college student, and have been for the last year. He has worked his ass off to help get me into school and support us while I deal with the 16 credits I am taking. Since I work as well (4am until noon...) he has taken up ALL the chores as well.
We don't get to spend much time together during the week, but I'm always aware that he is thinking of me whether its a sweet little note in my purse, a cute surprise in my car or a love letter email. He always tries to go above and beyond to let me know he cares.
This summer I'll be away in Las Vegas learing the family business with my aunt while he stays at home in Coeur D Alene, Idaho. Not only will he be working 55 hours a week, but he plans on continuing with the remodle of our home. He is by far a very amazing man.
Now its my turn to at least try to do something extremely special for him. He is a Red Hot Chilli Peppers fan and very deserving of a little vacation. I'm sure he'd also like to have some bragging rights and show off in front of his other construction working buddies...
My husband is an amazing man and I would LOVE it you chose him to be your date for the concert. I am not a jealous woman and think it would be a wonderful experience of him.
Thank you so much for your time and consideration. (And your lady friends as well!)
Sincerely,
Coolest Wife Ever!

Lookin' for a date to the RHCP concert?!


Hello Bobbi,

I am Sock Dude, a guy who loves music and is currently trying to find his path in life. I am a graduating senior (i.e. super senior) in Computer Engineering at the University of Illinois at Chicago. I have been a concert going die-hard for the past couple of years. My dad has supported my concert habit for some time, so I have tried to see just about every great artist who is still around, and some artists who are just stupid fun. I have seen everyone from U2 to Moby to N'Sync to Metallica to Yanni. I am not kidding about the Yanni part either.

My exposure to the Red Hot Chili Peppers started when I bought their "What Hits!?" album roughly 3 to 3 and a half years ago. It was nice to have a collection that had a lot of their best early stuff on there. However, it didn't have much from their best album, "Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magic," which is a disappointing thing about their greatest hits album in retrospect. I wish I could honestly say that I bought their masterwork the next day, but I actually heard "By The Way" next. I bought it the day it came out because it earned a 4-star review in RollingStone magazine, and I just adore that album. People complain because of the lack of up-tempo songs, but from front to back, the album has sooooo many great tracks that a fan will want to hear live. From the funkiness of "Don't Stop" to the tenderness of "Universally Speaking" and "The Zephyr Song," the band came up with an album that solidified my interest in the band. "Venice Queen" might be my favorite track from the album because of its suite format.

From there, I soon picked up "Californication" and their aforementioned masterpiece, and I got to see them for the first time about two-and-a-half years ago in Chicago when they toured with Queens of the Stone Age, another amazing band. It was awesome to see these forty-year-old musicians just get down and funky with their music like they were teenagers. It was a chilly 50ish degree-day at the outdoor venue where they played at and Frusciante and Anthony Kiedis each played shirtless.

I think Frusciante is a guitar god, and Flea is one of the greatest bassists in the history of rock. Chad is a goofy, loveable drummer, and Anthony just plain rules!

I have a ticket to Lollapalooza, which is in August in Chicago, and the Chili Peppers are headlining one of the three days. Still, that seems like too far away. I'd love to be able to see them sooner, if this concert is before their show at Lollapalooza. I am a new fan, who has only seen them once, and I can't wait until my next Chili Peppers concert where I'll get to publicly display my "oh my god I'm having the greatest time of my life" funk dance! It is my observation that every person who adores the Chili Peppers in a live environment does this little funk dance while watching them. I have mine, and I am sure you have yours. ;-)

I would love to see what your funk dance looks like. I would love to get my funky groove on next to a gorgeous beauty such as yourself, and be able to experience musical bliss with a woman who creates an aura of bliss in her own very special way. J

Bobbi, thanks giving your fans this opportunity! I hope to hear from you in the near future! I wish you the best of luck with your career, and I wish you the best of times at that RHCP concert!

Sincerely,
Sock Dude



Congratulations! You've just won a date with ______________. Click here to claim your prize.


No word of lie. I've been waiting for 2 years for the opportunity for LA supermodel Bobbi Billard to fall madly in love with me. Ever since I saw you on myspace, I've been waiting and believing that one day, just one day, you would have a "win a dream date" contest and I would win it, and ultimately save tons of hours that I would put into stalking you. El oh el. I'm kidding. I only stalk Stephen Hawking. And that's only because I want to steal his wheelchair and push the buttons on it that he uses to talk with for fun.

But seriously. Bobbi Billard. You need to choose me. Peter Pan chose me at the end of "Hook" to lead when Rufio died. You should too.

...Wait that wasn't me... That was some fat kid that rolled himself into a ball and bowled himself into a bunch of pirates.

But you should choose me anyway. Because I love you and the Chili Peppers equally. You and them to me are like pixy stix and mashed potatos. Two completely unrelated things I enjoy often but never together, and if put together and eaten after midnight I would transform into a gremlin, the stock market would crash, and the sun would collapse into a black hole and swallow part of the universe along with it... wait... that probably wouldn't be good. But the point is that, it would all be in the name of love. And that's what matters.

And even if the sun thought about collapsing, I would try my damndest to keep the sun from collapsing. If it even tried to become a red giant, I would fly into outerspace, and into the sun and dropkick it in the face! And I'd scream at it, "Don't you dare pour 2 scoops of raisins on my earth, goddamn you!" And after I teached the sun a lesson, I would return to you, drop to one knee, and hand you... a roasted marshmallow. Yes. I'm the type that would go to the sun, roast a marshmallow, and bring it back to you.

That's why I should win. I would treat you like a lady should be treated. And that's with my utmost care, respect, and attention.

I'm just that damn good. There are none more romantic than I. I'm the one that shot cupid with a tranquilizer dart, and gave him his mission in life upon waking up in my laboratory.

"I hereby dub you my replacement. Take this wicked sweet bow that I stole from Robin Hood for the sake of pure irony and shoot people with it to make them fall in love. Also you must wear this diaper, so you look like a giant asshole whilst fake shooting people. If you get a rash, there's Goldbond Medicated Powder inside your arrow holder thing. GOOD LUCK AND GOOD HUNTING!"

Seriously I'm the sweetest guy you'll ever meet. Regardless of what you heard, they actually made that Sweet & Low shit in the pink packets as a substitute for ME.

And all I've been waiting for is a nice girl to meetup with, take out, show her a good time, make her laugh, slip her a mickey, and then...

not take advantage of her, just to prove that I'm a nice guy.

And then when she regains conciousness I'm totally naked on a silver platter with a rose in my mouth, and then she cannot resist the urge to make hot sweet love to me.

And then we'll do it while listening to BLOOD SUGAR SEX MAGIK. On casette. Because I only have it on casette. I totally bought it when I was 8. Chili Peppers were one of those bands that really got me into music when I was younger. I would listen to that tape over and over at blaring decibals. I've always been a big fan and I've never seen them live before.

Remember that interview on Behind The Music where one of the backstage people had witnessed a ton of girls dive for Flea's sweat soaked tightey whitey's? And then one of them drank Flea's sweat from his undies... That was no girl. THAT WAS ME. Through injesting Flea's bodily fluids, I have metaphysically contracted his musical talent, and bass playing abilities. And my penis has grown considerably to the point where I can now hold on the sock.

And that's how I know I'm ready for you. The 3 socks that I'm wearing right now represent our 3 points of destiny. Time. Distance. Sound. It's only a matter of TIME before I will conquer the DISTANCE from Massachussetts to California, to be by your side and serenaded by the angelic SOUND of Anthony Kiedis' voice. Though Chad Smith's bass drum will be loud and thunderous, our hearts will beat louder with tons more thunder when we engage in eye contact, and it is love at first sight. Kinda like when Harry met Sally, but not as gay.

How I long to feel your hand in mind like a pearl within an oyster, with our lips locked tighter than the Virgin Mary's chastity belt. It is not the lights of the arena that are shining down upon us to make us feel so warm. It is the spontaneous combustion within our souls that is ignited by a mere touch of skin. Our hearts are highly flammable, and our contact is but simply a match. The perfect match. Like a match.com match, not a friendfinder.com match. A match made in heaven. Almost like Macho Man Randy Savage marrying Elizabeth at Summerslam 91. "Elizabit... Willllll yoooouuuuu marrrehhhhh meeeeeee?"

Yeah. Random sidenote. I know more useless facts about wrestling than anyone I know. We'd probably have a lot to talk about.

So yup. It would be in your best interest to fly me to LA. Go with me to the show. And then fall completely head over heels in love with me somewhere in the midst of it all. All I seem to find here in MA is stupid little girls that toy with me with their little games and nonsense. I need a real woman, with real or even not so real breasts. I need a woman who knows just how to hold a bottle of Dr. Pepper, and make something as miniscule as a soda sexy. I need a woman who's lapdog could give my lapdog a run for her money!

Bobbi Billard. You are the woman that I've always dreamed of. I knew it from the startup menu of my computer. I saw your myspace and that's the last I've seen of my Kleenex.

If you think I'm fun over the internet. Just wait til you get me in person. A minute with me is like a day at the carnival. Not saying that riding me over and over again will make you puke. I'm just saying I'm fun. That's all.

I'll conclude by saying. PICK ME!!!! PICK ME!!!! I WANNA WIN!!!! MAKE ME THE WINNER!!!! PLEASE!!!! PRETTY PLEASE!!!! Thanks.

Love,
Comic Relief


Red Hot Chili Peppers- I'm your MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Bobbi,



I was so stoked to see this contest, and it only took a few minutes of thinking what I would write and who I am to know I would win. I was already visualizing myself getting off the plane...:) There is no need for you to read any others- this contest was created for me- I'm your man!



A little backround on myself... I was born and raised in Anchorage, Alaska w/ a solid family backround- who I love very much. I graduated from Western State College of Colorado with a BA in Business Administration. I then moved to Snowbird, Utah to ski. I'm now back in my hometown working as a Project Manager for a commercial construction company. I'm very athletic and grew up playing just about every sport. I competed in alpine ski racing at the college level and was also a professional skier for a while. I've been published in several ski magazines and currently my friend and I started a ski movie company this year, "AK SYNDIKATE"- we are working on our first movie. I love to be outdoors and being active- ski, mountain bike, skateboard, hike w/ my dog Roxy, hang and party w/ good friends, music, and traveling. I've been all over the US, Canada, and Europe.



Alright, enough about me...Let's get to the point- The Red Hot Chili Peppers!!! My all time favorite band! I have had extreme passion and support for their music since there first self-titled album- those early songs, "True Men Don't Kill Coyotes", "Get up and Jump", etc... are timeless tunes. Back in 1986 I got a tattoo of the famous Chili Peppers symbol and was so proud!!! The reason was, cause I loved there music and they weren't very popular- just funk and punk! I actually got it covered up several years later only because they became so popular my tattoo wasn't original, it was mainstream. Don't misunderstand- I still and always loved them the same, it just my tatto wasn't unique to me anymore. I love all their albums- even their new stuff! Some of my all-time favorite albums are- "Freaky Styley", super funk CD produced by George Clinton- some sweet songs- Jungle Man, Hollywood, If You Want Me to Stay, Yertle the Turtle; "Uplift Mofo Party Plan" (my favorite album)
songs- Fight like a Brave, Skinny Sweaty Man in a Green Suit, Backwoods, No Chump Love Sucker; "Mother's Milk" (an amazing album w/ the debut of their new guitar player, after Hilel Slovak died from heroin- what an awesome comeback!) songs- Higher Ground, Sexy Mexican Maid (such a sexy tune), Knock me Down(Anthony's tribute to Hilel and his fight to quit heroin himself), Johnny-Kick a Hole in the Sky. There old music is amazing, so creative- that's what comes out when you're young, don't give a fuck, and doin major drugs...:) I also love "Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magic"- an unbelievable album, so groundbreaking and original!!! Their only album that was a little compromised was the one they did w/ Dave Navaro as a guitar player- the album before Californiacation. The other guitar player was hiding away doing heroin. Dave Navaro was awesome in Jane's Addiction but just didn't totally click w/ the Chili's- Rollacoaster was a good tune though. They finally got back John Frusciante and
made Californiacation, which rocked!!! I can't wait to hear there new album- the single they have out is sweet- Flea still dominating the bass lines, the foundation of the Chili's. I could go on and on and I'm sure you think I already have, but they have always been my passion!



Why you should pick me...Other than my extensive knowledge and love for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, including my passion for music in general. We would have a killer time! I would be honored to accompanying you and also would treat you with the upmost respect... On my clock, I will protect and defend you from anything negative, or anything that makes you feel uncomfortable...:) I'm chivalrous- old school :). I'm very chariming and I love to give deserving compliments...Like right now I want to tell you I think you're a very beautiful and sexy woman... But I'm not going to do that, why? Because I bet you hear that every minute of the day and to win this I need to be unique and seperate myself from all the other "Joeys". I'm guessing that since you were 15 every guy has been asking you out or trying to sleep with you...:) Instead of me complimenting you before I even get to know you, I'll compliment myself- I'm very beautiful and sexy, confident but not cocky, charming, and I
know exactly how to treat a woman...:) I would like to talk to you, hear you laugh, show you a good time, experience your outgoing personality, and get to know your beautiful mind... What makes you happy and content- the important things...



Bobbi, do not pass this opportunity up- we need to go to that show together! The key to something like this is to find someone who you feel comfortable with- that by far is the most important thing! You know how hard it can be to feel that comfort, content feeling with someone new. I know we will have so much fun together and I will naturally make things comfortable. Please do not choose some meathead who first started listening to them when Californiacation came out...:) The bottom line and what I want you to remember the most- WE WILL PARTY LIKE FUCKING RAWK STARS!!!



I will scoop up the new album as soon as it comes out. I'll listen to it and send you a supplemental e-amil telling you my favorite songs... you can contact me through this e-mail or myspace- I'm one of your friends so that's easy...:)



I'M THE MAN,
ROCK WEENIE

All of the letters were signed by a special nickname that we gave each of the contestants. Please send me an email with who you think is most deserving to win this contest. Put their nickname in the subject line... Choose Your Own Adventure, I GOT TRUCKED, How To Impress Bobbi's Friends, Blast From the Past, Coolest Wife Ever!, Sock Dude, Comic Relief, or ROCK WEENIE and send your vote to: winadatewithbobbi@gmail.com
Thanks again to all that entered this contest. I really wish I could take you all... I do! It was a really tough decision for my friends and I. I hope that nobody gets mad that they didn't get picked. I hope you guys understand. Unfortunately, I just can't afford to bring everyone.
And congrats to the winners for really going the extra mile! I will be announcing the Top 5 soon.

XoXoX,
BB

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