Thursday, July 15, 2004

Old stories that I haven't told before...

I haven't really talked about the death of my father, so I thought that I'd share a few stories with you guys. On my profile on, under the "Heros" section, I have my father listed there and I explain that he died of cancer when I was 19 years old. Every once in a while, I get an email from someone that has been through the same thing. So today, I got into a conversation with this guy whose mom had died when he was the same age. We got to sharing stories and I shared with him what one of the saddest times was for me (other than when he died). Here is what I wrote...

It's hard and something that you really never get over. The worst part was when my sister got married. I was a bridesmaid and I had to walk past this table and it had a bunch of photos of my dad on it. It was kind of like a shrine. Why'd they have to put all those pictures there on a table that I had to walk by before I had to come out as a bridesmaid in the wedding? I wasn't prepared for it at all. I started crying as soon as I saw it and could not stop no matter how hard I tried to compose myself. My grandfather (my dad's father) took my dad's place in walking my sister down the aisle. I cried the whole entire wedding because it saddened me to think that my dad couldn't be there to walk her down the aisle and then also he would never be able to walk me down the aisle someday either. People must have thought I was a wackjob crying like that. Especially since they might not have known the real reason why I was so sad. It's embarrassing to cry in front of a bunch of family and people that you don't know for over an hour straight! Let me just tell you! Anyway, I know what it's like and if you ever want anyone to talk to about anything, feel free to message me.

Then he told me how he had found out that his mom had died and I told him the story about how I found out. You guys will trip out on this one...

I had a friend staying over and my sister and mom kept calling me. I finally woke up to the phone ringing over and over and they said that my dad was "actively dying" so hurry up if I wanted to say goodbye. I forget what "actively dying" exactly means. We had my dad staying at home under hospice care because he didn't want to be in the hospital when he died. "Actively dying" was the term that the hospice nurse used. So anyway, my friend drove my car over there because I was crying and would have been a danger on the road. I told her to drive fast... like Turbo style... Mario Andretti... Step on it! Ya know? When we got to my neighborhood, there was a construction company called Pac West Construction working on the cable. I guess we had driven too fast through the neighborhood so when I got there, they came to my house and told me off. I was crying and I told them that my dad was dying. I was nice at first but they proceeded to argue with me. Finally I told them again, "Listen, my dad is in there dying! I don't have time for this shit or else I won't be able to say goodbye to him!". I ran inside and slammed the door. When I finally got there, he was already dead. Apparently my excuse wasn't good enough for those construction workers because they called the cable company to complain again. We got a phone call from the cable company and they were pissed off about my friend's erratic driving. My sister answered the phone and she explained the situation. And, not to mention, I wasn't even the one driving the car and my friend had dropped me off and left so why were they harrassing us? I don't get it! I guess Cox Cable didn't believe that my father had just died either because guess what the cable company did.... They called the cops. So we hear a knock at the door and there was a police officer at the front door. I was like WTF! Would you like to come in and see the dead body? Come on! Leave us the fuck alone! My father just died ok???? The cop that showed up was very embarrassed and hopefully he gave that cable company a piece of his mind. I mean how fucking rude is that? I told them my dad was dying, what did they think I was lying and faking a bunch of tears? If that was the case, then I would have deserved an Oscar. Give me a break! Lame! Pac West Construction, fuck you and your rude, insensitive construction workers!

Wow! I feel better now that I got that off of my chest!

My mom chuckled later about the whole incident and made a comment like, "Bobbi, you are always bringing the drama! Even on the day your dad has died. It must be that Fire sign!". I think, at that moment, my mom finally understood the way things are for me sometimes. I don't know what it is about me, but I have always had people in my life go out of their way to fuck with me. In all fairness though, I've had a ton of people go out of their way to do super nice things for me too. So I guess it all evens out in the end.

When I was growing up, my mom couldn't help but wonder if I was doing something to cause it. I think after this situation, she understood things a little better.

Bobbi B.